The Better Me Project

There are days that I feel very lazy and don’t want to do a thing, and then there are days that I feel very productive and get so much done that I don’t know how I did it all in one day. Unfortunately, the lazy days come too often and the productive days…well, you get where I am going with that. I want to be a better person. A better mother. A better wife. A better, well…everything. It’s hard to get things done with 2 kids running around the house taking everything out that you just cleaned up or making messes where you just vacuumed. It gets frustrating and almost makes me not want to try to some point because it’s just going to get messy again. I strive to have the house cleaned, laundry done and dinner finished by the time hubby comes home from work, but it doesn’t always work out that way. He’s a good sport about it just as long as I pay attention to the kids and make sure that they are learning something new everyday or getting outside to play. I am not a perfect mother and neglect that sometimes, but that is because my brain is sometimes in cleaning mode, and I feel that I need to get everything done. The reality of it all though, I CAN stop what I am doing because it won’t go anywhere, and I can get it done later. That mode is hard for me to turn off sometimes.

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my daughter (who is almost 3), and I was loving on her. I told her that I was going to eat her toes. She started laughing and said “no mommy, my toes not food. That food.” I kept persisting just to make her laugh, and kept saying that her toes weren’t food. Too cute, right? Kids say the funniest things. After that, I started doing laundry, but I wanted her help and she wanted to play with her puzzles. She wanted me to play so I made a deal. She helped me with laundry, and I would play with puzzles. She was very happy to help as long as mommy played with her. I don’t want to miss anymore moments like that ever. I know that with life, it will happen, but I am going to try my hardest to be the best mommy that I can be for my babies.

If you would have known me a few years back, you would ask me what changed me because I am definitely not the same person I was even just a couple years ago. I didn’t cook. I hardly cleaned. I didn’t craft. I wasn’t creative whatsoever. Let’s just say, I was not motivated to really be anything special. I was just plain boring. Well, lately, that just hasn’t settled with me. I got on Food Network and started looking up recipes and things that looked yummy. I got addicted to Pinterest (like everyone else). I used my sewing machine so much that it crapped out on me last week. I love to crochet at night before I go to bed. I sell on etsy. I clean just about everyday. I look for things to make my household more organized…etc…In fact, the next project that I am going to start very soon is building my own furniture. I can’t ever seem to find furniture that I really like, just stuff that I could live with and then eventually sell or throw out. I want pieces that I can be proud of keep forever. The Handbuilt Home by Ana Whiteย is where I got the idea that I can do things like that from. She has easy to understand instructions and an appeal to her designs. If my first build comes out as awesome as I think that it will, I think that I am going to get her book. :)I want to learn now what I can teach my kids later in life. I want them to learn how to be respectful and polite. Calling elders ma’am and sir or just anyone. I want them to know how to manage money and be creative. I want them to want to learn. To have a passion for something. To love and to live. To be like their daddy and to WANT to be like him.

Their daddy is a wonderful man and a loving husband. I am better at being a mother, I can be better at being a wife. If I can be a better wife, I can be a better me. I don’t want to lose ME in all the other titles that I have. I want to be somebody and touch someone with my story. My past. My present and my future. I do not boast in the things that I have done lately because without my God, I couldn’t have, wouldn’t have started or done anything that I have. He is the One who has given me the creativity and the want to be better and make things beautiful. He has given me the mind to start these things. Because trust me, I am not who I was years ago. I am better already and the journey to a better life has just started.

I hope to inspire so stick with me ๐Ÿ™‚

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When I Get Old…er

Sometimes, I get to thinking about when I get older, where will I be? Who will I know? Will my kids still be close? Will I start going crazy? Am I already headed down the path to crazy? Will my husband and I still be motorcycle riding, adventure taking old people? Will we own a house? Cars? Land? Grandkids? Will we go up in rapture before any of that will actually happen?

There are a lot of things to consider. We rent a house. We pay 2 car loans. Own 2 dirtbikes for actually racing purposes. 3 working bicycles for exercise purposes. We do not have a gym membership. We do not pay any kind of community fees from living in a subdivision. God forbid that we ever have to do that. The country is where we want to be. We will never own a mini van, no matter if we have more kids or not. I love my Cadillac! I make up excuses to leave my house so I can drive it.

I still have both of my parents. This will be the only time in my life that I can say that I am about to be a big sister. Half sister. My dad’s girlfriend is having his baby. Weird? Yes. Completely. It’s an *oh well, let’s move on* situation. I buy my kid’s clothes from Children’s Place and Baby Gap. I’m a little obsessed, but with this whole trying to save for a year to pay off a vehicle, I have to cut back that shopping a bit. My kids love being outside and would live outside if I would let them.

My daughter is cute and she knows it. My son is my bud and laughs every time I just look at him. I call my daughter monster. My son is called Bubby and mostly answers to Bubby. The monster girl does not like being cold. Bubby is hot most of the time. Anyway, you get the drift. Life is pretty great right now. We are waiting to see where the job is going to take us within the next few months. Somewhere South, just not sure where.

All of this moving around doesn’t leave much room for stability. The kids aren’t old enough to be in school yet, so it doesn’t hurt to move right now, but when they start school, things may change. Not sure how though. When I think about our future and where we will be, I honestly can’t see us anywhere yet. I haven’t found that one place that I love to be, and we just have to live there. We have met some great people in our travels, and we have met some not so great people. We have met people that were great in that moment, but very easy to forget in the long run and we have met people that will be our friends forever.

Our goal for our life is to eventually find land, build a house on a small part of that land and then the rest…motocross track! My husband will be riding his dirtbike forever into eternity. At our mansion in Heaven, God had better allow for a track to built for him or he may consider moving ๐Ÿ˜‰ His dad still races and he is turning 61 this year. My husband is covered as far as what he wants to do when I grows old, but me? I think I may know what I want to do, but it’s just a matter of where we when that time comes.

I love being creative. I love home decorating and making things pretty. I love cooking and have people enjoy that cooking. I love making people feel comfortable and happy. Someday, I would like to open up my own B&B. Sounds reasonable? I think so. I just have to plan and plan…and oh yeah…make a plan. Pray and believe. I have ambition, but I need to learn the ropes. I never went to college. I got married early in life and still don’t regret it to this day.

I strive to be the parent that my kids can look up to and say to their friends *I want to be like my mom and dad when I grow up* I want to set the bar. I don’t want to be just another statistic. I want to grow up with dignity and be a woman of honor and help my husband be the man he is supposed to be. I am very blessed to be where I am at right now and try not to take anything for granted. I love my husband. I love kids. I love my family. I want to live the standard of Godly parents.

I will mess up. I will fail. I will occasionally yell and then cry because I was too hard. My kids will get mad at me. They will say things to me that will hurt my feelings, but in the end I know that they don’t really mean what they said. I will take things personal. But if none of those things happen, I will never learn. Growing up is hard and life isn’t fair. Just take what you have and cherish it and make the best of what God gives you.

My Poor Baby

I’ve been dealing with a fussy one year old for almost a week now. You would say, isn’t that normal? No, not really. I have very happy children, especially my son, he wakes up happy, he goes to bed happy, he’s just….happy. So when I say that he is fussy, there is something definitely wrong.

Last night, I went out for a few and daddy was home taking care of the boy. When I was about to leave to come home, I saw that he had called. When I called back, he told me not to worry when I got home because there was an ambulance in front of the house. Conner just about passed out and really scared him. Conner slept all night, waking up a couple of times just coughing and then going back to sleep. He was ok, but I took him to the Dr. today anyway.

I found out that he has an ear infection (which is probably the reason for his fussiness). His lungs are clear, he is just really congested. My poor poor baby. I don’t like it when he feels like this. He got medicine including an inhaler for when he has trouble breathing or starts coughing a lot.

Sick babies are no fun. Not because they don’t play or not that I enjoy them less, it just breaks my heart knowing that they don’t feel good, and I can’t do much about it. He is going to get better now and start eating and drinking like normal. That’s my prayer and proclamation. This whole sick thing is new to me cause my kids are never sick.

On another note, my monster girl is coming back tonight. I just wish it was sooner than later. I got her new coloring books, play dough, sidewalk chalk and color wonder finger paint. I hope it’s nice out tomorrow because this mom wants to play with her babies ๐Ÿ™‚

Thought for the Day

Last night, my husband and my friend were watching South Park. I can’t stand the show so when I came into the living room, I turned it to something else. I will admit that some of the jokes are funny, but the show is very vulgar, and if I’m going to watch a cartoon, it’s going to be kid friendly. I have 2 children, so my tv time is mostly cartoons.

Everyone morning, my oldest lays in my bed and watches cartoons on my Ipad. I was doing dishes and all of a sudden, I hear South Park. I run into the bedroom and immediately shut it off. She’s 2 and definitely shouldn’t be watching anything like that.

It really got me thinking. There are shows and movies that we like to watch, but most of the time, we have to wait until the kids are in bed to watch them. It’s either because the show is vulgar and full of sexual comments or something along those lines, violent or just plain scary. If I don’t want to fill my child’s mind with that kind of stuff, why would I fill my own?

The eyes are said to be the window to the soul. I find that very true. Junk in. Junk out. I know that when I have watched scary movies, I have horrible nightmares afterwards. Some of things that I watch, I probably won’t change because they aren’t that bad. It’s something that I would let them watch when they got older, just not now. What’s that mean for anything else? I’m going to start being more cautious about what I ย put on my tv.

Just a Little Controversy

Let me first off say that I am not the kind of person that wants to start a stir or any kind of arguments. That is not why I am writing what I am about to write. I love people, in general. It doesn’t matter who are or what you do. I like seeing the good in people and that’s how I continue to live and see them. I know that there are bad people out there, and I can tell the difference between good and bad. With age, I have learned to be a bit more cautious, especially with having kids now. I don’t want them to grow up fearing people, but they need to be cautious also. Anyway…..

Now for what I believe. I do not support Gay rights. I do not like watching shows where it has people of the same sex loving on each other. Not just because I think it’s wrong, it really just creeps me out. I believe what the Bible says about those who are in sin and continue in that sin, but it also tells us to love those people. Love the sinner, not the sin. I do believe it’s a choice and whether you agree with that, I’m not trying to cause an argument as stated in the above paragraph.

What I do NOT approve of. Bullying. Just because I believe what I believe does not give me the right to tell you that you can not live the way you want to. That is strictly your business and yours alone. I will never bully anyone. I will never get in your face and through obscenities at you. I will never curse you. In short, I will never do anything to provoke your anger or hurt you in any way, shape or form. I may not befriend you, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t hold a nice conversation with you. I will pray for you whether you think you need it or not. Why am I stating all of this

I watched the latest episode of Glee last night and it had me in tears, almost balling at one point. I realize that it’s just a tv show, but it really showed what is going on schools today and how those that are bullied react. A kid on the show was bullied so bad that he went home and tried to commit suicide. It was a moment in the show that I knew what was happening and started crying immediately. I think that if one of my kids tried something like that, I would not handle it well at all. I do not know of any parent who would. It breaks my heart knowing that kids are so cruel and can’t just leave some things alone. We live in a world where if it isn’t worth tolerating, then we don’t, no matter the consequences.

I have known 2 people personally that have taken their own lives. Maybe not for bullying, but for some other reasons really not known and it’s a hard thing to deal with. What goes on in someone’s life that is so bad that they would feel like they needed to resort to that? I just don’t understand it. I was picked on as a kid, but when I say picked on, I was teased for being small, or for my name *mary mary quite contrary* I realize now that as an adult it was silly for me to get upset by some of things that I was picked on for. When you are young, it doesn’t matter what or how people say things, if it hurts your feelings, it really hurts. I’ve heard of a 10 year old girl taking her own life because she was being bullied at school. She wanted her mom to take her out of that school, but her mom ignore her pleas. If my kid EVER came to me with that kind of request, I would be asking questions. I will NOT tolerate bullying and I WILL face it head on.

I know that this is a different post than what I usually ย write, but it’s been on my heart, and I’ve been waiting for a time to get the words out. Please don’t take my words as hate. I believe what I believe, and you believe what you want. It won’t change my mind, just like I’m sure that I can’t change yours.

When I Fell in Love

I’m going to give a little longer version of what led up to and how my husband and I met. When I was younger, like in high school and just out, I was definitely a completely different person than I am now. I had short hair, wore t-shirts, jeans and chucks all the time and really didn’t care how dumb I acted cause I was always around friends and people like me. I love music. I love listening to it and I used to love playing piano. I wrote songs, poetry, whatever came to my mind. After high school, I didn’t want to go college right away, and I had always been really involved in my church and activities that involved some kind of ministry (drama, music, dancing). I decided that for 10 months, I was going to move to OKC, OK and be in Master’s Commission. It’s a *hardcore* ministry training program that is suppose to help with people’s aspirations of being in…well, ministry. First year students were not allowed to date or even talk to opposite sex for more than 5 minutes.

Being who I was, that was really difficult since I had a lot of guy friends and not a lot of girlfriends. Let’s just say, I didn’t follow the rules really well, but it still was a very good experience for me and I got a lot out of it. Anyway…I went into the program with someone that said that he would *wait* for me. Yeah, so THAT didn’t happen. Not sure what happened in that 10 months, but it’s all good. So, our team was in IN for 2 weeks going from church to church doing services, playing music, we even went to the Prison outside of Sullivan and ministered there. It was pretty interesting, but not something that I am called to do. Our last night in Indiana, we were playing music and singing at this Teen Cafe thing at a Methodist church. I guess it was some sort of open mic night too, cause that’s when HE entered. ๐Ÿ™‚ OMG! If you knew me back then, you would think that I was silliest girl in the world. After we were done playing, it was a while after, but HE started talking to me. ME! J. had long Fabio looking hair, wore a white button up shirt that was un-buttoned at the top….*sigh* let’s just say he was beautiful, and me? not so much. I was 19, looking like a 16 year old, couldn’t hardly talk to him, couldn’t even look at him. I was smitten and still couldn’t believe he would talk to me.

He was confident, smooth with a nice smile. All I had going for me was that at the time, I could hacky sack ๐Ÿ™‚ Not exactly something this guy was into. I was the kind of girl who hacky-sacked, wore chucks like no one’s business (trust me, they were nasty by the time I decided to throw them out), never wore a dress, didn’t tan or get my hair done at a salon. In short, everything I had done, I did it myself not knowing that someone could probably do it better. Soooo….What happened that night? Well, obviously I wasn’t really allowed to talk to him, so what did I do? I gave him my email address and that was it. He gave me his business card…let me say that again. His BUSINESS CARD. I’m a 19 year old, guy shy girl, and this guy gives me a his card. What do I do with that? I don’t call cause I’m too afraid of someone else picking up and I have ask for him.

After that night, I didn’t think that I would hear from him ever again. 3 weeks later, I get an email โค Oh yes…he finally made a move. Since then, we became friends and nothing more at that moment. I was still living in OKC and he was in IN. ย I am originally from IN just so there isn’t any confusion as to why I wanted this to work more than anything. We basically became best friends, still going out on dates with other people and dating. It wasn’t anything serious between us cause we were too far apart.

I decided after living in OKC for almost a year to move back home. He was the first person I went to see when I came home. His home was still 2 hrs from mine, so he let me rest before I had to actually go home. Oh he kissed me ๐Ÿ˜€ I had NEVER been kissed like that before. Every time I knew that I was going to see, I would get butterflies in my tummy and felt like I could throw up, my heart would be so far up my throat. He became my world. He was it. Our first date was Sept. 6, 2005. After that, I thought this was going to be forever. Until…it came to my attention that I was always the one who was coming to see him, call him and whatever else that was suppose to be done in a relationship. I tried to break up with him. Yeah…That didn’t work. He said that he would do better, and he did ๐Ÿ™‚ Things got a lot better. He would come see me and he called me almost every night. That’s all I wanted, to feel wanted. Well….

He told me that loved me Nov. 8, 2005. We then started talking about getting married. He proposed Jan. 11, 2006. We got married Sept. 30, 2006. This year will have been 6 years of marriage. It’s been a ride let me tell ya! But every year that we are married, we get better at it. Marriage is nothing to take lightly. You are with that person day in and day out. Nothing is private anymore and you just have to deal. He was my first and I his and there isn’t anything more special than that. Now we have our beautiful children, a good job, a nice home, but none of this would have happened if we would have never met. I think that God has a special someone for everyone, and if you have to meet the wrong ones first to know when you have met the right one, then that’s ok too. Cause trust me, I met the wrong ones and when I met my love, I knew he was right for me.

Nothing out of the Ordinary

It was busy but pretty much a typical weekend. I did decide to have a family night at Chuck E Cheese…On a Saturday night. I must be crazy, but all I could really think about was how much fun Kylee would have playing all of the games. We got there, and OMG! it was busy. We ordered our pizza, and after we got a table, Kylee was ready to go play. She is so stinkin smart. It only took one time showing her how to stick the coin in the slot and after the game was over, she got tickets. She would take the tickets, fold them up and put them in her pocket. She didn’t end up getting a toy b/c the kids in front of us were taking too long and Ky is very impatient. She was ok though, didn’t even realize she didn’t get her toy. Let’s just say I will never go there again on a Saturday night. She slept really good that night ๐Ÿ™‚

After bed time, the adults decided to watch Real Steel. Great movie! Yesterday was my friend’s kids birthday party. He turned 2. Nolan is only 6 wks younger than Kylee. If we were going to be here longer, they would become great friends. Ky definitely got a lot of attention. She was so cute and very good up until we had to leave cause Conner was getting sleepy and grumpy. I had to carry her under my arm to get her out. Silly girl. The hubby had to work yesterday so this week is going to feel extra long for him. I guess when you get an opportunity to work, you do it in this economy. God has really blessed us with this job. It’s nice to be anywhere in the US and not really feel the affects of what’s going on.

My house isn’t clean by no means, the laundry is done, I’ve started my pillow projects back up(pictures to come) I’ve sold more on ebay in the past 2 wks than I have in the whole time I’ve been selling on Ebay, I’m already in move mode even though that’s not for another 3 or 4 months (maybe a little longer)…basically…that’s my life. It’s ok that my house is completely clean like I would like it to be. It’s ok that only get a 15 minute shower instead of the nice 30 minute shower that I would like because Kylee wants to play in the shower with me. It’s ok that my life isn’t about me anymore. Kylee and Conner ruined me in such a good way. They teach something new everyday. Conner is almost walking. I’m hoping that he does walk before his first birthday in March. I’m having a hard time deciding what to do for his birthday this year. Theme? No theme? Do I have it here at home or do I just suck it up and have it at his grandparents (3 hours away)?

It’s a short on today ๐Ÿ™‚ Just like my title…Nothing out of the Ordinary. Maybe I will cook or make something brilliant today that will be worth blogging about later today.